Wednesday, 15 July 2009

Zillionbig goes for his roots……..

I had a time when I was called by my nickname “aana”, vernacular for an Elephant. I was plump, and overweight would have sounded a blatant understatement. I spent most of my awake minutes in the kitchen, to an utter displeasure of my ARMYMAN father. I would gossip to my mother about neighborhood aunties and she would share some of her trademark recipes with me. In the pretense, I would sample half of all the Papads, fried fish or upperi(dry vegetable dish) my mother roiled and my mother being a mother, would wholeheartedly support me in continuing the sampling act. My Fitness freak father would pass by and from his brood expression I would hint his level of exasperation. Those were my prepubescent days, those good ol days of fun and frolic.

I cared two hoots about my appearance. As long as the neighborhood “chechis”( young women) called me CUTE and brought me toffees , it didn’t bother me much. I was a ladies’ man even then. I would push myself into the private and confidential rooms of neighborhood CHECHIS and explore myself of the many treasure that waited for me to be stumbled. I remember once asking a chichi (she was in 11th or 12th) about a flowery plastic pack with words ‘Carefree sanitary Pads’, and she blushing and telling me that it was some medicine.
Then comes an age when I abruptly turned into a skin-and-bone. My Elephant like body stature lasted only till I was of about 10 years and as soon as I plunked into adolescence, there was so much of changes happening in me that I transformed myself into a lean-tall-young-lad as if overnight. I still don’t know what went through my body but I was totally changed. I gained almost 2 feet in height in as many years and from a boy of 50 kgs and 4.5 feet, I became a lad of 6 feet, albeit with the same weight. One could easily demonstrate anatomy lessons to medical students with my body, instead of a skeleton and I was again derided; but this time around for an exact opposite grounds.

My always-thriving hunger diminished to a level when I would hardly eat anything to the utter annoyance of my father. He would bellow at me to eat and instruct mom to prepare anything and everything that I liked. I remember; I would argue with him and he would force me to have dinner. Me, for that matter my entire family couldn’t figure-out where my hunger disappeared at such short notice. I was taken to a physician and she advised my worried dad that everything was normal and such changes do occur when boys abruptly turn to men. I remember being asked to take digestive syrups and multi-vitamin capsules so that my worried family could see me as my old-fat-self. As I write this I realize how much my family loved me and cared about my health. And how much I have hurt my poor Dad so far, Sorry DAD!!!!

I was lean and trim throughout my early adult life until I started working. After my professional education, my first employers happened to be THE TAJ GROUP OF HOTELS and that’s when the foodie self emerged itself out of me . We had a week of Induction training at Taj Residency hotel in Bangalore and were arranged to stay in the hotel. Et voila, that was my first ever FIVE STAR HOTEL STAY and the food, the luxurious restaurants, coffee shops enthralled me by no mean description. I was this man who had zilch etiquettes and table manners and had to go through several-a-struggle to look fitting into an ambiance of opulence. That’s when it occurred to me that a fork is to be held on the left hand and a knife on the right. The first time I saw a soup spoon, I thought it was some manufacturing defect and almost called the steward for a replacement. What embarrassment it would have been otherwise.

Out of one week, we spent a day of training in the BAR and got a chance to appreciate and discover several names of Wine, whiskey, cognacs, which primarily sounded like greek-latin . I learned that to serve a whisky in wine goblet (as shown in bollywood movies) is as ludicrous as serving jalebis with sambar . It was eureka moments to learn that Champagne is a place in France and not the name of the person who first got drunk on it.


The next phase was the arrival of the leading lady of my life. My wife has this thing about experimenting everything that she comes across on the TV cookery shows and I was made a guinea pig many a times. Our first months after marriage were spent eating out every single day as my wife couldn’t even make a proper cuppa tea. It was after several months that she finally presented before a hungry me, my first meal of wife-made rice and sambar. More about that later……

Ciao all.


P.S: I have just about 50 pages left of the book that i was supposed to come with a review. My next post shall be that, Inshallah.



35 comments:

R. Ramesh said...

hahaha i laughed so much..aana..:) hilarious man..pl keep up the cheers

Rahul Anand said...

"Out of one week, we spent a day of training in the BAR and got a chance to appreciate and discover several names of Wine, whiskey, cognacs"

...sounds like a dream job. lol, nice post.

P said...

Served a good dose of humor with this serving! :)

had me grinning right at the beginning. The little elephant is fabulously cute!

But boys aged 8-10 like being termed cute is a first for me. All my cousins hated that and never allowed me to pull their cheeks (I was the oldest of the lot... a tyrant on many occasions!)!

and i believe all of us have our quota of embarrassingly funny episodes... I remember being cornered with question on 'birds and bees' story with the same lot of my juvenile cousins!

Nona said...

Interesting! :)

swatantra said...

This is hilarious!! Thanks for sharing!!

Priya said...

How i wish such a change in me....from elephant to a bird...well, some wishes never materialize and its est to see the wishes coming true in dreams....i cannot give up on food...whatever be it.........:D :D

Aparna said...

You reminded me of my brother's growing up years. He used to spend better part of the day eating and when he was in class XI, he suddenly became tall and reached 6'2. My mother could not cook fast enough for him and it used to irritate her. She used to say that he had a cupboard in his skeleton.
Verry funny post.

anamika said...

Since my child hood I am obsessed about food.I eat and crib about eating.Now i have managed to get control over my weight somehow by changing my dietary habbits but deep inside my heart I wish i could eat 24/7 and stay slim lie any other bollywood actress.

Really a nice one.I wish i could only join Taj till its induction gets over:D

Neha said...

lolzzz...the post is quite hilarious...i have always been a foodie but managd to remain on skinnier side, touch-wood...

since u r into reading, i would like to recommend u a book i read recently - "The Zoya Factor" by Anuja Chauhan...it is a vry well written book with right amount of humour, emotions and drama...

Gymnast said...

Hey , thats so honest ZB. I always see in your posts someone i can totally relate to. Maybe it is the common mallu-ness.

Do finish the book soon!

Smita said...

I have always been a foodie but never a veeery heavy eater.

I believe that food is to be enjoyed so be it :)

Finish the book soon :)

SJ said...

Sigh I went from 4'5 45kgs to 5'4 50 kgs sob sob... Even now I crib about my weight I only bake cakes, my husband eats them. But I gain all the wieght sheesh!

Looking forward to your book review!

Ida said...

Like Anamika, I wish to be in Taj, at the induction stage:) Really interesting post, nice blend of nostalgia and humor. How did you manage to lose weight like that? Maybe guys that age must be researched and then the formula passed on to women like me, struggling to fit within the seams:)And yes, all the best with the book review:)Remind me of the mallu proverb "Puli varunnu, puli varunnu ennu paranje...." hell, typing in mallu is tough, you know the rest, I guess:)

ZiLliOnBiG said...

@Ramesh: Okey buddy. Thanks:))))

@Rahul: Dream job it is on paper, TATAs know how to reap asses out of their employees. I remember working for 22 hours at a stretch. :)

@P: Thanks buddy.:)

ZiLliOnBiG said...

@Nona: Thanks:0

@ Swantantra: Thanks :D

@ Priya:Some wishes never come true. I wish i could lose 10 kgs, i dodnt know how it happened that time. Hormonal rush perhaps. Thanks :D

ZiLliOnBiG said...

@Aparna: Thanks, your brother resembles me indeed. I grew almost double in height in a years time. But i wasnt really eating. I had lost so much of weight and my family was scared. :D

@Neha: My wife too is a foodie but skinny. I put and lose weight very fast.Thanks, i will check this book. I shop for books when on vacation to India and buy 20-25 books at a time. I will include this book.:D

@Gymnast: Yup, i am finishing the book in a day or so. Yes , we connect bcoz of our common Mallu bond. mallus rock :D

Smita: Food is one of the best things that has happened to mankind. Enjoy it as long as you live. only thing is also burn it. u into Aerobics huh?, well, NICE!!!!!!

ZiLliOnBiG said...

@SJ: Welcome to this blog. its the otherway around in my family. I eat and it shows, but my wife is always her skinny self. :D

@Ida:Humm,Contact TAJ, they may consider.What was that mallu proverb? i didnt get that. Thanks:D

Sakshi said...

Came over from Sakshi's blog after reading your plea for comment there ;)

Whoa am happy for two reasons that you stopped by my blog...1) I count comments and you just added to it and 2) from the "Aana" I have come to a conclusion that you are a mallu. Don't know why but since landing in this part of the world I get ecstatic at the glimpse of anything that is related to Kerala..

Ahh I can relate well with you to all those trips to the docs. My mom was so worried about my skinny frame that she made it a point to shove me in front of all kinds of doc and they always said I was healthy and she used to say then where is all the flesh...hee as if I was a goat getting prepared to be sacrificed..

will be back here and yeah I know you sent the tag virus to Aparna and it reached me...

ramya said...

:-)
I like food.
Never been obsessed with food. Nor do I eat too much.
Wonder how jalebi and sambhar would taste together.
*faints on the thought of the taste*

Gayathri said...

hehe..retrospection!!
there was more of this non-mallu thing here..4.5-6??whoaa!! nicee..

Babli said...

Very nice,interesting and funny.I enjoyed your post very much.I love to eat and crazy about food especially all types of junk food.

Babli said...

Thank you very much for your lovely comment.My heartiest congratulations to you and your wife.You are welcome to Australia.There are lots of places to visit as its a very big country.As I am staying in North Queensland so exploring the places near to Townsville and enjoying a lot.

Lakshmi said...

Cool... interesting read.. Liked your blog.. YOU will be seeing me around...( I did type 'u' at first, but decided to change that :) )

Dhanya said...

Such an open hearted post! :) I guess most of us go through the same phase of decline in weight during teenage years and a rise in the same when we start working. You told it in such a hilarious way!

"The first time I saw a soup spoon, I thought it was some manufacturing defect and almost called the steward for a replacement" <<< Hahaha :D

pseudo intellectual said...

such a pity i never had the too-thin problem :P
ur job sounds awesome, btw :D

Chriz said...

people can still conduct anatomy classes on my body.. ok.. your review should be good.. lets see your magic there :)

numerounity said...

Mind me singing- Aana re aana re...dil hai diwana re or "Aana mere pyar ko na jhoota samjho aana"...hee hee..

numerounity said...

BTW, I have obliged the "beauty with brains"...hope i have done justice to it... Don't blame me if I haven't. Hahaa

The Panorama said...

Hilarious post...as usual! I myself have my onw battle of the bulge going on.

Enjoyed reading it:)

ZiLliOnBiG said...

@All: Thanks buddies, pals and mates. Keep visiting. It feels great to know that you guys are around. I feel secure and a feeling of comfort, which is more than my mere words could express . Ciao :))))))

le embrouille blogueur said...

Hey ... I thought I posted a comment ... great post ... funny and sensitive ... and you are not a pig .. you are nice to allow the experiments ...keep up the good "food"....lol !!!

Sucharita Sarkar said...

I loved this post about your growing-up. Only mine is a reverse case - I was thin and am now fat.

kavita said...

i completely enjoyed your post...it was funny and very smart...i can understand your dad's concern..health is wealth after all....my daughter is developing this habit of visiting the kitchen and offering her help in tasting the food like fried fish,chicken but ask her to taste green veg. she disappears...

Reveda Prisha Umankshi Bhatt said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog........liked your stly of writing!

Hope your daughter is fine

Kaddu said...

Ha ha ha! Loved the flash-back! :D

"I was a ladies’ man even then."
Really? ;)