Wednesday, 28 October 2009

Indian History : Supposedly written by a schoolboy with all original spellings:

I got this as an E-mail forward and had posted earlier..........nevertheless read it again...its really funny..and i choke every time i read this.....

The original inhabitants of ancient India were called Adidases, who lived in two cities called Hariappa and Mujhe-na-Daro. These cities had the best drain system in the world and so there was no brain drain from them Ancient India was full of myths which have been handed down from son to father. A myth is a female moth. A collection of myths is called mythology, which means stories with female caricatures. One myth says that people in olden times worshipped monkeys because they were our incestors.

In olden times there were two big families in India. One was called the Pandava and the other was called the Karova. They fought amongst themselves in a battle called Mahabharat, after which India came to be known as MeraBharat Mahan.

In midevil times India was ruled by the Slave Dienasty. So named because they all died a nasty death. Then came the Tughlaqs who shifted their capital from Delhi because of its pollution. They were followed by the Mowglis. The greatest Mowgli was Akbar because he extinguished himself on the battlefield of Panipat which is in Hurryana. But his son Jehangir was peace loving; he married one Hindu wife and kept 300 porcupines. Then came Shahajahan who had 14 sons. Family planning had not been invented at that time. He also built the Taj Mahal hotel for his wife who now sleeps there. The king sent all his sons away to distant parts of India because they started quarrelling. Dara Seiko was sent to UP, Shaikh Bhakhtiyar was sent to J & K, while Orangezip came to Bombay to fight Shivaji. However,after that they changed its name to Mumbai because Shivaji’s sena did not like it. They also do not like New Delhi, so they are calling it Door Darshan.

After the Mowglis came Vasco the Gama. He was an exploder who was circumcising India with a 100 foot clipper. Then came the British. They brought with them many inventions such as cricket, tramtarts and steamed railways. They were followed by the French who brought in French fries, pizzazz and laundry. But Robert Clive drove them out when he deafened Duplex who was out membered since the British had the queen on their side.

Eventually, the British came to overrule India because there was too much diversity in our unity. The British overruled India for a long period.They were great expotents and impotents. They started expoting salt from India and impoting cloth. This was not liked by Mahatma Gandhi who wanted to produce his own salt. This was called the Swedish moment. During this moment, many people burnt their lion cloths in the street and refused to wear anything else. The British became very angry at this and stopped the production of Indian testiles.

In 1920, Mahatma Gandhi was married to one wife. Soon after he became the father of the nation. In 1942 he started the Quiet India moment, so named because the British were quietly lootoing our country. In 1947, India became free and its people became freely loving. This increased our population. Its government became a limited mockery, which means people are allowed to take the law in their own hands with the help of the police. Our constipation is the best in the world because it says that no man can be hanged twice for the same crime. It also says you cannot be put in prison if you have not paid your taxis. Another important thing about our constipation is that it can be changed. This is not possible with the British constipation because it is not written on paper. The Indian parlemint consists of two houses which are called lower and higher. This is because one Mr Honest Abe said that two houses divided against itself cannot withstand. So Pandit Nehru asked the British for freedom at midnight since the British were afraid of the dark. At midnight, on August 15, there was a tryst in parlemint in which many participated by wearing khaki and hosting the flag. Recently in India, there have been a large number of scams and a plaque,it can be dangerous because many people died of this plaque in Surat. Scams are all over India. One of these was in Bihar where holy cows were not given anything to eat by their elected leader. The other scam was in Bofor which is a small town in Switzerland.In this, a lot of Indian money was given to buy a gun which can shoot a coot.

Presently India has a coalishun government made up of many parties, left,right and centre. It has started to library the economy. This means that there is now no need for a licence as the economy will be driven by itself.

India is also trying to become an Asian tiger because its own tigers are being poached. Another important event this year was the Shark meeting at Malas Dive. At this place, shark leaders agreed to share their poverty, pollution and population.

Monday, 26 October 2009

A Bit of self-realization...

Today, I had a friend who happened to visit me in my office. We realized that we hadn’t seen each other for quite some time. We went to the nearby coffee-shop and over several coffees and snacks had a lengthy discussion on our private lives…

Over the discussion, I realized that we had so much in common. We both have same by-now irritating and forceful parents, who feel they are being grossly neglected since we got married. We both have parents who make the most of every opportunity to let their wards ( we) know that they (apparently) sacrificed their whole life so that they could bring us up.We both have parents who make us believe over-and-again that we still are small babies( who always commit mistakes) for them, no matter how big or grown we think we are. We have parents who think we are getting too influenced by our wives, and accuse her of alienating us from them.

He was telling me on how his father had a professional auditor-like database of all the chadies(underwear) he bought for his son, since he was born. I couldn’t help but laugh, at the same time wonder how our situations were so alike. I have often wondered why my father thinks its important to let me know that he spent Rs.100(in late 70s) every time I had a milk tooth.He still remembers how he took me in his arms and ran to the doctor when I had my first allergic reaction after eating peanuts. He would look at me pensively as if I was the most unappreciative and unthankful guy to walk the planet on two legs. Then my mother would take over and remind me that they were the ones who made me what I am today and I should never forget my roots, as if I had some acute Gajani-style amnesia.

I have now started wondering how families lived together as a one-huge-joint-family until few generations ago. It would surely lead to a world-war 3, if we were to live like that in today’s times. I have come to observe that so much of ego is rampant in our society, that brothers-sisters can’t see each other. I have seen in my own family that if one brother( dads brother) buys a Hyundai i20, the other one has to buy a verna, even if it means an exorbitantly high EMI.

There surely is a huge generation gap between my parents and me. At every step of a decision, the most significant factor is what-others-will-think. I know I care two-hoots about what others (mostly neighbours) will think when I make a decision. I don’t really understand why its so important to let my daughter know how I had to look after her(sleeplessly) when she was a toddler. Isnt why I am called her father? Isnt what I am supposed to do, having brought her to this world?

Having said that I must admit that its also a learning experience. I know that sure-shot way of spoiling the parent-children relationship is to constantly remind them how much they should be grateful to them. Giving price tag to a relationship is an easy way of ruining it, be it a father-son relationship.

P.S: Thanks for reading. Views expressed are mine and blogs are a medium to express ones thouhgts.... One persons RIGHT might be other persons WRONG.

Friday, 23 October 2009


Am I less patriotic when I constantly grumble about the terrible things that I see in India? Then why does my blood boil when I see Western TV Channels(National Geographic) call India(Mumbai) “The craziest place on the planet”?
I was watching NDTV yesterday and the election results in Maharashtra. I could see VilasRao Deshmukh Sweat when asked by Srinivasan Jain about the one thing that the congress government has achieved in the last 10 years of rule.  Is ten years too short a period in History to judge a ruling government? Then what have we achieved in the last 60 years of Independence?

I somehow feel that India is headed towards an economical and political disaster. History has several examples to show that whenever the suppression and tyranny has crossed the thresholds of acceptance, there has always been a major revolution. .

I feel the poor, oppressed, indebted farmers or any citizen of this country should fight for themselves. I feel no matter how many NGO’s fight for their cause or sincere, dedicated politician come out for their cause, unless they themselves know that they are exploited, suppressed and taken for granted, there can never be a change in their position.

 But my biggest worry is that it seems we have been exposed to so much corruption, brutality, blood and murder that we have become immune and sights fail to move us further than a certain point. India is like one of those timeless fortresses, which uphold their scars and battered structures as the essence of their being. The lives that reside within such monuments-plants, birds, rodents and reptiles, turn indifferent to the surroundings as long as they are able to sustain themselves. People who live in this country are no different

Wednesday, 21 October 2009

keep the fire alive.......

I was reading an excellent article on Ramesh’s blog(Global Madrasi), which quotes Buddha: ““Learn to let go and be free.”- Lord Buddha.

This is very true in my case. I have felt that the thing that you chase always tend to move away from you. The moment you stop chasing it, it comes to you as if by some miracle or divine intervention.

When I was in college I was madly in love with this girl who took great pleasure in avoiding my evident crush. I took Great pain in letting her know the depth of my true feelings for her, through several methods known to me at that time. I even spent most of my pocket money on her, living the rest of the month on 1/4th of the balance that was left of appeasing her. But she avoided me.

Then I got sick of it and decided to leave her and focus on my studies and career. There comes the lady, trying to do all that I did to her to garner her attention. But when I had left my stubborn attachment, I found nothing in her that had made me drool over her earlier and we parted ways, she obviously distressed.

Then comes another instance when I started working and did everything I could to get my career move forward. I slogged for 15 hours a day, worked without leave for months, sacrificed my personal life…etc..but I was denied a promotion which I deserved rightfully. Then having lost all hope I started to take things lightly. I took offs, Started taking sick-leaves, even bunked for silly things like movies…and in 6 months time, I got my first promotion…I couldn’t believe what was happening to me.

There are many more examples which have convinced me that when you desire something from your heart, give your best and move aside: It would definitely come to you.

Or as Confucius says: “ And, When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

Thanks for reading buddy….and keep the fire alive in your bellies…

Thursday, 15 October 2009

My Short one week vacation.

I came back yesterday after a brief one week vacation. The main purpose of the visit was to bring back my family, but my wife postponed it owing to the swine flu scare and baby being too small to take the harsh desert weather. I had to agree with her: why take the risk? They would join me in Feb, after her first birthday. A chance for her Grand-parents to live their moment with her (at my expense- Thanks to video chat though).
My daughter is seven months old. Unlike her mom and dad, she is extremely naughty. In fact my MIL feels that she is the naughtiest in the family for several generations. She knows how to get things done her way, or get the world to revolve around her, which is anyway the case back home. Come have a peep and you would know what exactly the definition of the word ‘pampered’ is.
We had her (my daughter’s) chorunnu( first feeding) ceremony at Guruvayoor temple on 8th night. It was fun and more like a picnic or get-together than a pilgrimage.
However small my vacations are I always look forward to them with zeal and zest. Since we fly in the easterly direction I get a chance to see the perfect sunrise, and then it’s the moment of wait, lasting for few hours before we finally sight the land. When the plane is flying over the land I am totally mesmerized and captivated by the sheer beauty of it-Kerala with its luxuriant greenery, the rivers flowing like serpents (in fact it resembles a large python swimming across a placid lake), thriving life in the form of buses and trucks, houses in all sorts of shapes and designs.
Once landed and finally out of the stale warm air of the plane, I am suddenly greeted by the cool and fresh bouquet of the moist breeze, often swathed in rain drops and aroma of the green coconut palm.
Then there is disappointing long wait at the airport, an abnormal queue for immigration and customs check and finally baggage clearance, the most dreaded of all.
Once out of the airport, I look forward to my people, waiting for me often hours in advance not listening to my alerts about the delayed flight, finally a reunion with a warm hug.
Once at home, there is a half hour debriefing of all the events of the past year, my whole family surrounding me in a perfect circle.  Once freshened up its time to hit the dining table, to taste the most exotic delicacy of the world, mother made breakfast.
In the evening once rested and recovered from the jetlag, it’s time to visit my girlfriend, or my eternal girlfriend: the roaring yet tender hearted Sea.
I love the sea, the waves, the sand and the beach in their entirety. It is bewildering to look at the sea as it makes me feel very small but it also makes me inexplicably happy.  I am passionately in love with the vastness and the complexity of the sea; I am also scared of it. Yet I love playing with the waves and staring at them for hours and hours together. I also love watching the red sun slowly disappear into the sea, leaving behind a wave of darkness and gloom.
Once on the beach we make merry building sand castles, collecting sea shells and what I love the most; playing with the waves. I challenge the sea and the waves and as the waves move back, they carry the sand under my feet; suddenly I get a sinking feeling in my belly, and how I love it!

As a child I loved playing with the waves, chasing crabs, writing on sand to be guzzled by the sea and challenging the sea further and further, but now as an adult I enjoy it more watching silently. I enjoy the sun going down, giving me a felling of emptiness and a miserable sadness of losing someone so near and dear.
The food is heavenly, especially the home made. My Mother-in- law is a god gifted chef and her Kappa and meen curry is out of this world. The taste lingers in my mouth for the whole year after my vacation and makes my short vacation so much more special.
As with everything in life there is a time of departure and that’s the most saddening of experiences in life. It also gives me a feeling of emptiness inside and every time I have to depart my family I feel miserable and sad. It is as if I am losing something that is so dear to me, but the very thought that I would be seeing them another day makes me get up and walk back, albeit disappointed.

Saturday, 3 October 2009

retirement at 45.......

I had a dream last night. It was nothing exotic, erotic or dreadful, but a very simple, nevertheless a very satisfying one. In the dream I am visiting a temple with wife and parents. From the look of the entrance it resembled Guruvayur temple, and I am waiting in a long queue, followed by my wife and then behind her my parents. I am wearing a white dhoti, my wife is in a white traditional Kerala saree and my parents similar to our attire.

I am waiting and it looks like a long queue, but I have all the time in the world and I am very relaxed and happy .I observe the passage of life and time around me and I find people with increased devotion and a very unlike calmness on their faces. There are elephants, chained to thick carved rock pillars, feeding on bananas offered by pilgrims, recorded bhajans and smell of camphor and agarbattis. There is tranquility and stillness everywhere and no one is in hurry, everyone is devoid of their greed, hassle, anxiety. It so appeared.

Now, getting up this morning the amiability of the dream has had its effect and since morning and being a holiday today, I have done nothing but to sit and wonder about life back home in India. I am feeling very calm and peaceful.
I have a strong urge to go back and live close to my family and relatives and live my dream; my dream of a lazy retired life, enjoying every moment indulging in many of life’s offerings. As always worldly attachments and harsh realities come as villain and I am forced to stay back. As an afterthought I have ended up pondering over my life and its very meaninglessness. What am I doing? Am I doing what I wish to do, am I happy. Is this life? Etc, etc…..
I know those are rather clich├ęd inquiries, but then there is no escape and as it appears no satisfying answers.

As an answer, retiring early seems to be an option. But what age do I retire?45 looks like a suitable age, not too old to have fun and not too young to do what would appear a ‘wastage of my capacity and energy’.

I may come across  a lazy and slipshod person; that’s the danger expressing inner feelings, but the truth is that’s what I want. I dread competition, the rat race, meetings and interviews, or for that matter anything where I am answerable. I just want to be free, yes, just free: “I want to break free”, that’s my favorite track of Queen’s.

After 45 and without trying to sound like a procrastinated proclamation, I would lead a retired life and sit in the veranda of my house, facing lush greenery typical of my hometown. I would getup in the morning at may be 6( I know it’s a bit too early but I love the break of dawn and its tranquility) and go for long walks. I would occasionally visit Shiva temple. After that a shower and then I would have a healthy wife-made breakfast, settle with my books or the morning news paper for a leisurely uncalculated period of time. I would have by then old( if 45 is old) friends visit me and we would chat over tea and then, I may go out with them and hang-out at our favorite coffee-shop or library.

I would come home for lunch and then afternoon nap, followed by evening visit to temple. I would sit for bhajan and take part in temple activities, collect Prashad for my wife. Evening would be time for some news on TV and then dinner followed by early crash out to getup early the next day.
Huuuhhhh that was a long day….but that would sound something like my typical retired life….and I would have choices to make. I would take time to have a yearly vacation and would visit different countries like Peru, China, Mongolia, Chile, Argentina, Russia, Africa etc… take photographs and post it on Facebook for my family and friends to feel envious(Pun intended).

I would have nothing to worry about and live life as per my rules and guidelines.

It may sound a bit dreamy and preachy but I can name people who are examples and are happy that way.

Unless some changes come my way in the form of ‘destiny’, I would follow this dream and stick to it to the word‘t’.

I am feeling like someone just motivated and that’s going to help me pull my life for some time, till I have the effects of the rat race change my thinking. Until then its retirement at 45.