I had a dream last night. It was nothing exotic, erotic or dreadful, but a very simple, nevertheless a very satisfying one. In the dream I am visiting a temple with wife and parents. From the look of the entrance it resembled Guruvayur temple, and I am waiting in a long queue, followed by my wife and then behind her my parents. I am wearing a white dhoti, my wife is in a white traditional Kerala saree and my parents similar to our attire.
I am waiting and it looks like a long queue, but I have all the time in the world and I am very relaxed and happy .I observe the passage of life and time around me and I find people with increased devotion and a very unlike calmness on their faces. There are elephants, chained to thick carved rock pillars, feeding on bananas offered by pilgrims, recorded bhajans and smell of camphor and agarbattis. There is tranquility and stillness everywhere and no one is in hurry, everyone is devoid of their greed, hassle, anxiety. It so appeared.
Now, getting up this morning the amiability of the dream has had its effect and since morning and being a holiday today, I have done nothing but to sit and wonder about life back home in India. I am feeling very calm and peaceful.
I have a strong urge to go back and live close to my family and relatives and live my dream; my dream of a lazy retired life, enjoying every moment indulging in many of life’s offerings. As always worldly attachments and harsh realities come as villain and I am forced to stay back. As an afterthought I have ended up pondering over my life and its very meaninglessness. What am I doing? Am I doing what I wish to do, am I happy. Is this life? Etc, etc…..
I know those are rather clichéd inquiries, but then there is no escape and as it appears no satisfying answers.
As an answer, retiring early seems to be an option. But what age do I retire?45 looks like a suitable age, not too old to have fun and not too young to do what would appear a ‘wastage of my capacity and energy’.
I may come across a lazy and slipshod person; that’s the danger expressing inner feelings, but the truth is that’s what I want. I dread competition, the rat race, meetings and interviews, or for that matter anything where I am answerable. I just want to be free, yes, just free: “I want to break free”, that’s my favorite track of Queen’s.
After 45 and without trying to sound like a procrastinated proclamation, I would lead a retired life and sit in the veranda of my house, facing lush greenery typical of my hometown. I would getup in the morning at may be 6( I know it’s a bit too early but I love the break of dawn and its tranquility) and go for long walks. I would occasionally visit Shiva temple. After that a shower and then I would have a healthy wife-made breakfast, settle with my books or the morning news paper for a leisurely uncalculated period of time. I would have by then old( if 45 is old) friends visit me and we would chat over tea and then, I may go out with them and hang-out at our favorite coffee-shop or library.
I would come home for lunch and then afternoon nap, followed by evening visit to temple. I would sit for bhajan and take part in temple activities, collect Prashad for my wife. Evening would be time for some news on TV and then dinner followed by early crash out to getup early the next day.
Huuuhhhh that was a long day….but that would sound something like my typical retired life….and I would have choices to make. I would take time to have a yearly vacation and would visit different countries like Peru, China, Mongolia, Chile, Argentina, Russia, Africa etc… take photographs and post it on Facebook for my family and friends to feel envious(
I would have nothing to worry about and live life as per my rules and guidelines.
It may sound a bit dreamy and preachy but I can name people who are examples and are happy that way.
Unless some changes come my way in the form of ‘destiny’, I would follow this dream and stick to it to the word‘t’.
I am feeling like someone just motivated and that’s going to help me pull my life for some time, till I have the effects of the rat race change my thinking. Until then its retirement at 45.