Sunday, 18 April 2010

Love aaj Kal

The rose was eight years old. Desiccated, shriveled, devoid of a scent; a mere shadow of itself. Like memories-faded with time. The rose had appeared when he was searching his old diary.

Flow of Memories-As if formed like steam from a pot of boiling water. Produced at once, unconsciously lifting up, and then spreading into the thin air, into the invisible...

The possessor of the rose had held the most important place in his life. That was eight years ago.

“I love you.” He had told her. He was blushing and frightened. His palm was sweating. His heart was palpitating.
Long moments of silence.

“What da?” She looked into his eyes and asked, as if she knew the outcome of this lunch together.As if she expected every man to propose her after few lunches together.

“ I love you Mini. You are the most beautiful woman I have seen in my life.”

She giggled. Her cheeks rosy now out of blushing.

“Sure? How about Aishwarya Rai?” She asked.
“ Ohhh, Common. I haven’t seen her.And she will just pale before you. I swear.”

He was visibly embarrassed now.

“I wish I could enlarge your photograph and post it in my room. Will you give me a photo of yours?”

“I will not give you.” She replied bluntly, though teasingly to reduce the bluntness.
“ Mini. Do you love me?”

Long moments of silence. He was staring at her. She was looking down at the ground.
He left the question unanswered, as if he never expected an answer from her.

The Next six months of life passed, though separated for weeks together and then to see each other on weekends. Daily telephone calls, hours of conversations on mundane of all topics.-Birthdays, childhood, loneliness, future.

He waited for her calls all day, though she called only in the evenings. Everything else was irrelevant in life, except for her smile. Life became a struggle for possession, though all possessions became immaterial. Songs, Music, words, food, phrases had its association with her. The car her family owned became the best car, her favorite food became the tastiest, her cloths became the trendiest,  colour of her skin became the prettiest, her hairstyle the most stylish. He searched the dictionary for the words she used- “how conversant she was”.

“Do I deserve her?” Once he asked himself. The serpent called “self doubt” emerged out of him, for the first time.

He understood new connotations of the word ‘love’-Frustration, resentment.  He loved her like himself, in fact more than himself, because he was not sure if he loved himself so much. He demonstrated his love as a measurable, quantified essence.  He devalued the expectations of reciprocation. Yet he was frustrated. He was too human to understand that true-love was above an expectation of reciprocation. True-love? Was there also an un-true love ?

“You didn’t reply, Mini.” He asked her during a phone conversation.
“What da?”
“I love you so much, I have told you that. I mean it Mini. I love you so much.”He replied, with a tinge of frustration.
“ How much?” She asked giggling.

“Cut that”, He was furious now.

“I don’t know Manoj.” She replied.
“ I need more time.” She replied after a brief silence.

“ How much more Mini. I have waited for so long.What makes you doubt me so much?” He asked.

“ No Manoj. I don’t doubt you.”
“Then? Whats the problem with you?”

“ I don’t deserve you.Manoj.”She replied.
“ WHAT? What makes you say that?”
“You are good. You would get someone really good.”
“ You are the best. I want you. There is noone good enough for me. Its you, Mini. I love you. You are the best,Mini” He spoke with calmness, with a saintly composure..

Long silence.

“ Can I trust you Manoj?” She asked.
“ Yes, Mini. Please. All I want in this world is you. Nothing more.Trust me!” He replied.

She opened her heart to him.
“ I can never imagine getting married to anyone else Manoj. I love him.”

“ But he used you. He used you and dumped you for someone else Mini.Still?” He asked.

She smiled. He could hear her chuckle. He wondered why? Do women smile overly when they are hurt-“ Tum Itna kyon Muskurarahe ho, Kya gam hein jisko chupa rahe ho?”  “How true?”

“ We made it twelve times a day once.” She told him once, after a few weeks, during a lighthearted conversation.
He pretended indifference. His heart was on fire.

“ He used me Manoj.All he wanted was my body. And all those words and promises had no value.”

“ I love you Mini. All men are not the same. I respect women. I hate men who look at women as an object of desire. I seriously hate such men.” He replied.

He knew he meant every word he had spoken. In fact, he had spoken only half of what he had meant; only if words had the power to expose hearts. Bloody words!

She smiled.
“  I don’t know Manoj. You will get a good girl. Much better than me. And then you would think of all this as a joke. A big joke.”She giggled.

“ Stop It, Mini. I love you. I can never love anyone the way I love you. I will only love you. Only once in my life.” He replied, distraught now for being made to repeat.

Frustrations mounted with the passage of time. His heart bled bloodlessly. It ached unsettlingly. World stopped to amuse him. Nothing else mattered but her.  Her attention was everything. He was starved of her. The woman dumped by another man; used as his object of desire. A woman who had no place in that man’s heart. And he was starved of her love. How strange is this world? Someone else’s trash is another mans aspiration.

“ Keep this rose. This is to remind you of me. Otherwise you will forget me in no time.” She said chuckling, her last words to him.

Climbing the train, he turned to look at her once again, knowing that this would be the last time he would see her. “A lifetime of not seeing her. Forever of not seeing her. Will never see her again in my life.”  Very Heavy words filled with sadness.

“What are you staring at?” A feminine voice stirred him back to present.
“ Nothing. A Rose. I was wondering how it came here?”He turned to look at his wife.  

“Must have been given by some girl. Isn’t it? The way you were staring at it.” She said teasingly.

He smiled at her. She smiled back. He could never lie to his wife. He was plain incapable of doing it. If she would have probed into his past he would have revealed everything. But she never bothered herself.

He looked at his wife; that beautiful smile of her. Brown eyes, lovely poise. “Could he live a day without her?”.

A woman who presented herself to him. A woman who gave him innumerable joy of a life time; in just a few years. A woman who gave him a beautiful daughter whom he could call his. A new dimension to life. A new rationale to life.  A life with a direction and speed limit.

“ Keep that flower back inside the diary or throw it. The pollen could cause allergy to her.” His wife said, directing towards his sleeping one year old daughter.

He crushed the rose in his palm and threw into the thrash bin. He walked to his wife and hugged her-she struggling to come out of his embrace.

“ Go away, the baby would awake.” She said teasingly.

He looked once again at the thrash bin.

“And then you would think of all this as a joke. A big joke.” He grinned as if realizing the essence of a joke.




sujata said...

nice ZB!! dont understand why I cant finishg a story in one sitting!! But really is it easy to forget some one you have loved with so much passion?

ZB said...

Hi Sujata. I would be back to read ur story. Just Lack of time.

I wrote this story in one sitting. Took 2 hours but.

I guess Its easy to forget everything, its just a matter of time. And i feel when we are in the middle of a relationship, we feel, this is it. It cant get better than this. but later on when life moves on, we find that the momery of our "best" was nothing. We have very short remembrance and its better that way. . .Life is all about moving on.TC:)

kavita said...

Would be back to read it tomorrow...good to see you back in action.

Raj said...

zb. is it really possible to drive out every memory of such a person?

is it? is it possible to really stop missing such a person?
the mere presence somewhere around can shake the world for a few seconds you know. in the good way or the bad. really.

a first is always a first. nothing surpasses it. and as it gets older. as you forget, it just keeps getting better to you :)

darn i m such a reatrd.
anyways loved it. the thought atleast of forgetting :)

and yea, i got the werewolf series on my blog. catch up naa i miss my readers :(

Rajlakshmi said...

I really love the storylines you come up with... so realistic ... this one is one such beautiful write :)

Neha said...

thank you for this know, I firmly believe that live goes and and we move on with it too..personal experience you see :)

and you took two hours - that's understood..some stories take time because you are confused about what to convey and what to hide..I guess this is one of those stories..:)

Roy said...

really loved the story man! touched a vein i guess...

Anonymous said...

loved your story
you have the flair to express yourself
by the way you were not visible in the blogging world for quite some time????????

Aparna said...

Very nice story. But what is more important is the message that no matter how much we hurt today, time will eventually heal the pain and we can move on in life.

Smita said...

wow! That's a well narrated story!!! Isn't life all about moving on? :)

kavita said...

We move on as time and life gifts us more beautiful and much precious things .

Very beautiful...very ZBish !! T.C.

Bikram said...

WOWO.. I dont know what to say .. This article OH MAN.. it is true so much .. I have just recently broken up with someone well sometime now.. and MAN this is my story jsut a few twists..

Why do we let ourselfs get hurt i dont know .. THIS IS A SHCKER .. how did you know all this .. .

I hope my story comes out to the way this one has come out to be ... Loved it my friend ...

Dhanya said...

Wow. Your post struck a chord. Too good! It's all about moments right? When you see certain things, you relive those moments again no matter how hard you had tried to forget them. One of your best posts, ZB. Keep em coming! :)

Anonymous said...

how do u do?

A New Beginning said...

Hi, This is my first visit to your blog :) I liked the was full reality that we humans come across in our live.
Great job!!Keep up!


HaRy!! said...

Stop!!! thats all i thought in the first part of story... made me go feel nuts!!! but then its reality... the part when he feels bliss with his wife!! ZB... oh god! that was very sweet... indeed thats the truth and yu back from depression with a bang!! loved the love fiction!!! teaars!!! and hey cyu around.... busy eh?

Gayathri said...

So very true.At some point of time we feel we are passionately loving someone,would rather die without them and the like.But then as time passes by,every wound heals and reality takes over.Have seen many such people who ve been so deeply in love,and then been at the verge of a nervous breakdown after a break up and come back to normalcy with more vigour in a while.
But i've always felt that we forget 'the one' we once loved only when we find another one to replace him/her.. the more u stay single,the more painful the memories are..
A very simple story but truly touching.

अनिल कान्त : said...

touching story !

Anonymous said...

This post flowed so nicely..I did not see the end coming...Well told! :)

Onkar said...

A lovely story- tenderly told.

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