Saturday, 19 December 2009


Buddhadev rubbed his chest. He stared at the  alarm clock. He had woken ten minutes before the time. It was 6. 20. He vaguely remembered the events of the previous night. It was a sleeplike delirium. He had tried to getup from the bed. It was too difficult.  For a brief moment he doubted if he was getting an attack. But the pain had vanished. His left hand had become somewhat numb. He slept on the right side. The pain had completely cured.  Stomach acidity. A doctor’s visit was coming, again a deficit in the month’s budget.

He got up from the bed to impede the further assault of morbid thoughts. He went to the bathroom, noiselessly, to avoid his wife from awakening.
After brushing and washing face, he put his only track pants and headed to the main door. Habitually he searched for the morning newspaper, aware that he had stopped it last month. The sacrifice for the internet connection without which his daughter had refused to eat.

He latched the door soundlessly and started his daily morning walk. For few minutes it was hard, but later the walk was effortless. Few men waved as they passed him. Soon the world around shrunk; nothing else but subconscious, cataleptic thoughts.

  “ 1st of June is a Sunday. Pay would be delayed. Bindu’s Tuition fees Rs.250. would be getting overtime next month. Howmuch? Rs.600? Total Salary be 6000. Rent has to be paid. 2000. Left 4000. Milk Rs. 150. Can squeeze in Newspaper? Will see next month. Will repay Sudheers Loan. If he asks otherwise pay him later. Grocery bill. Will stop taking credit.How much? calculate today. May be Rs.1000. LIC premium. Bloody premium. Big mistake. Wouldn’t taken it. He cheated. In 20 years 4 lakhs. 5 years 20thousand. What is 20thousand. A new fridge and washing machine. Bindu’s marriage. 4 lakhs? Gold at 12thousand. May be provident fund. Chief engineer coming next month. One more shirt. Meter Rs.50. Diwali coming soon. Need Rs.5000. Promised a fridge.Retirement. just 10 more years. Bindus marriage. After retirement. Provident fund loan. How much balance. 1 lakh may be. How much land. May be some gold. Wife’s gold. If she pass exam? Stupid girl.not bothered. Sankar’s cycle. tyres. Gas. Rs.350. Minus left 3650. savings? Will try 2000. balance in bank 40thousand."

He was almost home. An hour had passed. Only possible if one doesn’t look at the watch often. He was not tired. He was fresher than he had started. There was a crowd before his house. "what happened?”. He hurried. Few men were standing in the veranda. He rushed inside with curiosity. His wife and daughter were howling, squatted on the floor beside a covered body.  His daughter was calling for her father. His wife was beating her chest, wailing angrily, asking, why did he do this to them? Why didn’t he take them with him?

P.S: This is to clarify that there is no SUICIDE in the story, as mentioned in the comments. Perhaps the story wasnt read properly.


Smita said...


Something similar happened with a family in Dubai na?? Sadly the guy has survived & the rest of the family wiped off!

Such are the pressures of life these days!! But suicide can neve be the solution, I wonder when will ppl understand that!

Awesome narration zb!

ZB said...

Hi Smita, Thanks. Yea. true....But SUICIDE? **scratch,scratch**, where did i mention suicide. Perhaps a new angle to the stroty. Humm......Interpretations...see....Thanks :D

BK Chowla said...

We can criticise those who attempt suicide. Though this no solution to any problem,but we must understand the circumstances the other person has gone through.

ZB said...

@Chawla Ji: Thanks. Rightly said.


Kaddu said...

Suicide? Where? I'm glad u added those lines at the end ZB... otherwise I would have become confused at my interpretation of the story after reading the comments above! Though it doesn't look like Buddhadev's soul is going to rest in peace... so much already in its mind... do souls have minds? I guess not... then what do they have in its place?

Raj said...

what suicide? the soul just walked out of a dead body. darn zb that was a good read. :)

Raj said...

Few men waved as they passed him. meant no one did right?

ZB said...

@Kaddu:Glad you understood. It hurts to simplify and giveout the plot, but i guess it wasnt understood so had to write that P.S.May be i should take it out now that people have grasped it. Thanks.:)

@Raj: Thanks. Yes the waving part was just a subject of different interpretations. As you want to call it its up to you. Thanks for reading and understanding. :)

numerounity said...

Poor guy...he suffered cardiac arrest?

Aparna said...

Felt sad after reading this.
I did not interpret the death as suicide, even before I read your post script, thought like Numero it was a cardiac arrest.

Keshi said...

Merry Christmas & a very Happy New Year to ya ZB! :)

Hope all is well.