delirium

Buddhadev rubbed his chest. He stared at the  alarm clock. He had woken ten minutes before the time. It was 6. 20. He vaguely remembered the events of the previous night. It was a sleeplike delirium. He had tried to getup from the bed. It was too difficult.  For a brief moment he doubted if he was getting an attack. But the pain had vanished. His left hand had become somewhat numb. He slept on the right side. The pain had completely cured.  Stomach acidity. A doctor’s visit was coming, again a deficit in the month’s budget.

He got up from the bed to impede the further assault of morbid thoughts. He went to the bathroom, noiselessly, to avoid his wife from awakening.

After brushing and washing face, he put his only track pants and headed to the main door. Habitually he searched for the morning newspaper, aware that he had stopped it last month. The sacrifice for the internet connection without which his daughter had refused to eat.

He latched the door soundlessly and started his daily morning walk. For few minutes it was hard, but later the walk was effortless. Few men waved as they passed him. Soon the world around shrunk; nothing else but subconscious, cataleptic thoughts.

  “ 1^st of June is a Sunday. Pay would be delayed. Bindu’s Tuition fees Rs.250. would be getting overtime next month. Howmuch? Rs.600? Total Salary be 6000. Rent has to be paid. 2000. Left 4000. Milk Rs. 150. Can squeeze in Newspaper? Will see next month. Will repay Sudheers Loan. If he asks otherwise pay him later. Grocery bill. Will stop taking credit.How much? calculate today. May be Rs.1000. LIC premium. Bloody premium. Big mistake. Wouldn’t taken it. He cheated. In 20 years 4 lakhs. 5 years 20thousand. What is 20thousand. A new fridge and washing machine. Bindu’s marriage. 4 lakhs? Gold at 12thousand. May be provident fund. Chief engineer coming next month. One more shirt. Meter Rs.50. Diwali coming soon. Need Rs.5000. Promised a fridge.Retirement. just 10 more years. Bindus marriage. After retirement. Provident fund loan. How much balance. 1 lakh may be. How much land. May be some gold. Wife’s gold. If she pass exam? Stupid girl.not bothered. Sankar’s cycle. tyres. Gas. Rs.350. Minus left 3650. savings? Will try 2000. balance in bank 40thousand."

He was almost home. An hour had passed. Only possible if one doesn’t look at the watch often. He was not tired. He was fresher than he had started. There was a crowd before his house. "what happened?”. He hurried. Few men were standing in the veranda. He rushed inside with curiosity. His wife and daughter were howling, squatted on the floor beside a covered body.  His daughter was calling for her father. His wife was beating her chest, wailing angrily, asking, why did he do this to them? Why didn’t he take them with him?

P.S: This is to clarify that there is no SUICIDE in the story, as mentioned in the comments. Perhaps the story wasnt read properly.