Thursday, 17 December 2009

What the fuck is wrong?

Noone is reading my blog. It hurts. I am almost crying. I cannot stop my eyes getting lakedup. It feels as if I am having a nightmare where a psychopath serial killer is trying to murder me and I am screaming but no sound is coming out of my throat. Its as if my vocal chords have gone on hartal.

Like a flop bollywood producer I am in desperate need of viewership. My ship is sinking like a cheap toy titanic( or like the overcrowded boat which capsized in tekadi). And like a bollywood producer I am forced to add an item number to my blog with some sex scenes.

Its so easy with sex. It sells. Its been selling since ages. Remember, its supposed to be the oldest profession, arguably, unless someone looks at politics as business. Even in times of recession, sex sells. Go have a look at the hot Russian or Lebanese prostitutes in Dubai and you would know. In Dubai it’s a billion dollar industry. Its supposed to be illegal and against Islam, but its something without which the economy would tumble. If the whole of Dubai is a cake, prostitution is the icing. Arguably Dubai is the prostitute capital of the world. I hope someone doesn’t comeup with my identity and deports me out.

I feel and from the knowledge I have from friends who work in hotels in Dubai, the distinction between prostitution and film industry blurs. Atleast to some extent. I have heard of struggling actresses staying in 5 star( dubai is supposed to have a 7 star hotel) hotels and entertaining rich customers. Its a reality. I have also heard of underworld extortionists who seek sexual favors from up-and-coming actresses for role in films. I don’t justify or denounce them, its each to their own. I feel the word chastity or preserve-your-virginity-for-your-spouse is an invention of the human. I feel only rape accounts for a crime. It’s a crime and the world needs to be free of such crimes. But consensual sex, I think it will stay as long as humans have the libido (or horny-ness), and no account of law or religious restrictions would stop it.

We have several restrictions as humans. We have invented several taboos and perhaps some are necessary for the cultural existence of the human race. We are supposed to hide our private parts, we can’t fart, men cant look at a woman’s breasts, a woman cant look at a mans crotch, We cant use words like cunt, dick, ass, …etc, which are rather unholy words. I remember our obsession with taboo words as children. Whenever we, my brother and me fought, we called each other Kundi, chandi(both means ass in Malayalam) and my dad would punish us( usually a Chinese handshake-pinch using nails while shaking hands). And we hide and wait for the right prospects to call each other such fine and pleasurable words.

I remember one of my ex-colleague who was asked “what the fuck do you think you are doing here” by his boss and he complaining against him with the HRD for abusive language.His boss(even mine) was asked to apologize. I felt bad for the boss. Common what the fuck is wrong with FUCK. We all are born out of fuck, aren’t we? Probably he is going to vegetative propagate his wife and have kids. I wish Him all the best. :D

BTW, the brand manager in my company, who goes by the name of Kunal Kapoor has been re-christened by us for his nasty attitude.  He is nowadays called Kunt Kapoor( Cunt has been changed to Kunt to sound KOOL)..:D


Neha said...

oye, you don't have to do the flop stunts to get viewership ok...what's up with u?

see, people love to read fiction stories written by from there, if you are gonna shift to personal posts directly, it wil be difficult for most to get used to chill, blog what u like...what's in numbers?

and i am sure ur regular readers still read you; they may/may not comment...:))))

about abuses; well many can't take it...fuck is a decent word, but its hindi is obscene..huh

too much philosophy na...well, u made me write such a kya karu..

anjugandhi said...

hey even i am your regular reader, its just that because of some preoccupations couldnt comment
dont get depressed
i enjoyed reading this post the most
some what emotional. thoda philosophical, thoda blunt,
keep it up
dont get disheartened
and one thing
i am relieved as I was also getting scared , my regular blogging buddies have stopped visiting my blog and commenting on my post.
but reading your comments feels that this happens with every one
so just take a chill pill

ZB said...

Hi, Thanks Anju, Neha for reading. No, I am not depressed. In fact i dont care about comments.

It was kind of coming-of-age blog post. Enough of Iam-seedha-saada-doodh-peeta-bacha thing.

I know my blog is read bcoz i have a visitor meter. All it matters is comments from people i admire, readers like you. If i get 5 comments its more than enough for me, anything more than 5 is bonus.

The comment thing and readership thing was just a satirical.

Take care,Keep blogging. :)

The Panorama said...

Hey ZB, you haven't been forgotten! It's just that life is kinda hectic and I skip on writing comments...not just on your blog but almost on everyones.

But this post was nice. I guess it is true about actresses choosing who they sleep with but think about it...this couch casting culture might be depriving Indian Cinema some real good actors simply because they do not want to use the famous casting couch. Majboori bhi ek sach hai and lots of these girls have no option really.

Anwyay, that is just me shooting off about women issues once again:)

Raj said...

zb! buddy when the readers go take it as a sign that you need to do better. thats all. dont let your eyes get well. not worth it.
as for sex well yeah its worth a lot. :P
and the economy wouldn't tumble without it, economists would.

and about taboos, they are just things you shouldn't get caught doing nothing more. :P

so, its been a long time since you wrote the unnamed story...where is part 2? or am i out dated?

Raj said...

and zb, dont give a fuck who reads, give a fuck as to what the ones who reply say. :)

Duryodhan said...


Kaddu said...

Still waiting for the correct answer regarding you in that group photo. That's why everything seems to have come to a standstill on your blog.

Kaddu said...

WHATTTTTTTTT? U deleted that post? I kept looking for it on ur blog, going thru the Archives... until finally gave up, went back to my Google Reader and clicked on the link to that post from there! And it told me the post doesn't exist! Hahhhh! U deleted it? U deleted it? U deleted it without telling us the correct answer? :O :O :O

ZB said...

Kaddu: I have disclosed the 'me'in the spot me..........TC:D

BK Chowla said...

Trust me,I have been a regular visitor to your blog.
May be I have not been posting comments so often.
Have you visited my blog?
Try and read and let me know your views.

Gymnast said...

i read the blog zB, regularly!

Kaddu said...

So u r the one in the blue and white combo?

Btw, I miss 'Arun' :D :p :p

HaRy!! said...

ho ho ZB i always drop by!!

Anonymous said...


Dhanya said...

Can I laugh? Somehow I find this post really funny and sarcastic. I have seen many people complain about their blogs having no visitors, and I can't imagine you being one of them (complaint boxes I mean).. maybe that's why I found this post funny? Hmmmm!

Roy said...

see...ppl reading!

ZB said...

Thank uou All...either the world has lost sense-of-humour or i sounded very otherwise.

Commmon people, It was a satirical post. It was meant to make people Laugh...Alas i failed...:(...Just kidding.common please dont think i am desperate for comments.....there is nothing that i care less.TC and lovely people. :D

Swatantra said...

Great!! Take care!!

Rajlakshmi said...

ZB i am missing your stories... please write them and as for viewership... i thought you can never have any such problem :) just keep writing :)