Weather( or is it wheather) here is very fine. Yesterday it rained and I felt I have reached Kerala all of a sudden. Then I vaited for some more time for more rains and then I realized that one should never expect too much in life and it was not Kerala. It stopped raining after just few puddles of water on the streets unlike Kerala. Now I am waiting for more such rains. Rains give me a feeling that I am back to the place I belong. It looks cloudy, but winters are mostly cloudy so I think its winter-clouds and not rain-rain-clouds.
Yesterday I shopped for cloths. Not that I have too much money or I have become rich. I realized that I have very little cloths which I like to wear and not I am forced to wear. I like to wear cloths that I like to wear. I don’t like to wear cloths just because I have to wear them since I bought them. You know what I mean?
I wanted a pair of jeans. SO I went to Marks & spencers and then I searched for some jeans. Suddenly I realized that the cloths there were rather boring and I decided to walk off and try somewhere else. Then I went to NEXT and searched. One over-enthusiastic-over-selling salesman came running to me and for a moment I thought he is going to kidnap me. He suggested me lots of options, which I realized were the most expensive of the lot. I smiled at him, my usual thanks-for-the-help-but-sorry smile and I saw the smile on his face vaporize. I almost heard his unspoken words which iam sure meant: bastard-you-come-to-waste-my-time-fuck-off….
Then I went to H&M and saw few nice cloths and finally ended buying few t-shirts and jeans. I am happy and now waiting for some occasion to wear them. I hope some occasion comes soon and I showoff my new cloths. Life is tuff, one has to find occasions to wear cloths and not just buy them.
The otherday I realized that I was leading a fast life. The fastness of my life had sweeped into everything. As arundhati
says in The Dog of small things- it was sweeping into my life like tea from a
tea bag. I even ate very fast. Perhaps that’s why I gain weight too fast. My
wife eats very slowly, perhaps that’s why she is skinny. But my problem is that
I have no patience. What I want I want it now. I cant wait. I rush everywhere.
I rush in the bathroom, I rush when I brush my teeth. I even rush when I write
this. I just want to finish this stupid post and post it in my blog so that
someone comments on tham and my ego is inflated. I am an egoist. I need conformity.
I constantly want people to coime to me and tell me how good I am. I hate
everyone who is honest and tells me that I am as bad as most of the people in
the world. I even think very fast. Thoughts pass by as if it had an engine and
someone was knocking on the accelerator pads. So I am thinking of reducing the
pace. Now I want to just write slowly, word by word…. Letter by letter, and
think also slowly. But its dificlut. Its difficult coz like most humans, I am a
device of habit. I do everything out of habit I have formed since my birth. I
even think out of habit. Its not easy to come out of the bondage of habit. But I
should try and be slow. The pace can make me sick. The pace can even sweep into
time and make me age faster. By thinking slow, we live more. We age slowly. I don’t
know if its true but I feel it should be given a try. By the way, my dad is
several kilometers slower than me. Is it the age that had made him slow? Or is
it my greed to be successful and rich before 45 that has made me fast.But
whatever I don’t like the fastness. I like to be unhurried. roy
The other day I was watching the interview of Dalai lama and was really impressed with him. He is a great spiritual leader and I believe we all should give an ear to his teachings. Or perhaps just a bit more than few ears.
That’s all. Nothing more to write. Take care and thanks for dropping in. It feels great to write a non-sense post. Try it yourself sometime.Ciao.